Post-Feast Recap - Andrea

This was kind of a weird time for me. Since coming to Christ several years ago, I usually approached the Lenten season with much anticipation and prayed that God would specifically show me the type of fast to do from Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday. Though challenging, the fasts I went through, greatly freed me from the things of the world which tend to cloud out God's voice in my life.


Last year was the first year I experienced a kind of "ho-hum" attitude toward Lent - I knew I should be excited about it, because it meant alot to me in the preceding years, but somehow I didn't get a clear sense from God as to what I should be fasting from. In fact, I wondered if He wanted me to fast at all. At the last minute, I decided I should do a fast and chose to abstain from meat (mainly because it also was what my parents and sister were doing).

Pause...after writing that last paragraph, I totally realize I've gone wrong somewhere in my thinking, but I'll hold back from going off on a major tangent to psychoanalyze myself...at least for this post. :)



Back to the fasting/feasting...

This year, I'd been thinking for a while as to what to do for Lent and felt (decided?) that doing a fast from all recreation reading and feasting only on God's Word was the way to go. I'd done this a few years ago and really enjoyed it. The difference this year, was feeling like it would be fun to get my family on board and others who felt drawn to the idea.


And, it did feel good to have my family involved and I really enjoyed reading only Bible stories to our children. In fact, the house even felt lighter after I put away all the non-Biblical material.


On a personal level, though, this fell a little flat for me. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE God's Word, especially when God uses it to speak directly into my life. But, somehow, I found it hard to get focused on the Word and accomplish the goals I set for myself in reading. This was especially annoying to me, since I have no problem devouring a magazine or work of fiction in record time. So, why did I find it so hard to get into the Word?


Maybe it's because God's Word isn't meant to be sped read through. Maybe it's the lack of quiet time and sleep that happens when you have three small kids and another on the way. Maybe the enemy was more successful in his attacks that I was at recognizing and fending them off. Or maybe God was trying to teach me something different altogether.


It's funny what this feast/fast turned into for me. I felt led to pray more and be in free conversation with Him. I felt drawn to read smaller sections of Scripture at a time - sometimes only a verse or two. My desire to write, both in blogging and private journaling also diminished. In a way, those 40+ days were more about being in thought with God, rather than reading large volumes of His Word.


I'm not exactly sure how this feast/fast grew me spiritually. I'm more aware of how reading too many things at once, or at least in a short space of time, creates a lot of mind noise that makes it harder to hear God's voice. It's also made me more aware that I can't simply will myself to read and study the Bible. I might have all the desire and time in the world, but God is the One who gives me the understanding and stops me in my tracks. Maybe God is trying to free my from tendency to focus more on accomplishing the goal, than experiencing the journey.

Whatever He is up to, I pray that I would be better attuned to hearing the lessons He is trying to teach me and that this year's Lenten feast/fast was in some a step to helping walk in freedom with Christ.